Last month I dumped my girlfriend
I think I broke her heart
I just needed space from her embrace
If not a whole new start.
Her love was good, her love was strong
But alas it was too much
With her around, it wore me down
Just too affectionate and such
I hate the constant holding hands
Displays of public affection
And the only kiss that was pure bliss
Was done to my erection.
But I digress, I am a jerk
I used her for the sex
But it's not okay, the constant way
She sends me all those texts!
At first it was annoying
The notes, the calls, the texts.
But then I'd see her following me
What would this girl do next?
I knew I had to do something
Just not sure what I could
So for one night, I did invite
Her for a walk down by the woods
We just walked and talked awhile
But she just wouldn’t see
The more I tried, the more denied
That we weren’t meant to be.
And only when I blacked out
Did I finally feel success.
Which led me here, to which I fear
Is something I must confess….
Last night I killed my girlfriend
I buried her in the woods,
At least this way should keep her at bay
This time, I hope, for good.
I enjoyed almost a week
Of a peaceful happy life
Til late in June, under the moon
One hot and hazy night.
I was just out for a walk
Simply enjoying the night
When guess what wound up from the ground
And sure gave me a fright!
My girlfriend stood before me
I couldn’t believe my sight.
For she wasn’t dead, but back instead
And prepared to make things right.
Her clothes were torn and tattered
She was covered in dirt and mud
So I took my knife and took her life
(Again!) Till she was soaked in her own blood.
This time I didn’t want her coming back
So I tied her up real good
Then weighed her down so she would drown
In the lake and stay dead like she should.
But this time was not as peaceful
For in my mind was fear
That she would wake up from the lake
And yet once again be here.
Well lo’ behold, three days passed
Before she did come back
My mortal brain could not explain
Why such laws of nature were out of whack.
She was a dirty, bloody, scary sight
Soaked from head to toe
And I could not conceive what she perceived
To be love as we all know.
She was sorry that she died
And left me alone for days
But she was here to calm my fear
And make me happy in all ways
She said she figured out
Just what she was doing wrong
Then softly kissed my hand and wrist
It was the same old dance and song.
Then she bit into my flesh
I couldn’t believe my eyes
She pushed me down upon the ground
And hopped onto my thighs.
My life was flashing before me
I felt dizzy from all the blood
Then she licked her lips and rocked her hips
As I died there in the mud.
I awoke some time later
I’m really not sure why
But somehow it seems beyond my dreams
In death no longer did we die.
My zombie girlfriend said she killed me
So that we would always be
Husband and wife in the afterlife
For all eternity.
Gee…
Lucky me.
Ryan Griffin
June 2010
Ryan Griffin [ facebook ]
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